George Alfred: My Poems

NOW HERE’S A LITTLE STORY TO TELL IT IS A MUST,
IT’S FULL OF LOTS OF ROMANCE, WITH A LITTLE BIT OF LUST.
IT’S ABOUT A SPECIAL COUPLE, NOW HUSBAND AND A WIFE,
SO LISTEN WHILE WE TELL YOU OF THEIR ROMANTIC LIFE.


NOW THEY FIRST MET AT A PARTY, IT WAS ROMANCE AT FIRST SIGHT,
WHEN SHE SAW DAVE IN THE CORNER, SHE FLUSHED WITH PURE DELIGHT,
‘HEY WHAT’S HIS NAME’ SHE ASKED HER FRIEND, WHO WAS HER LIFE-LONG MATE,
HER FRIEND REPLIED ‘HIS NAME IS DAVE, BUT WE CALL HIM ONE ONE EIGHT’.


THEIR ROMANCE IT DID FLOURISH, FOR MANY YEARS TO COME,
AS THEY TRAVELLED ROUND THE SPEEDWAY TRACKS, HAVING LOTS OF FUN.
BUT BINGO WAS DAVE’S FAVOURITE SPORT, THAT’S WITHOUT A DOUBT,
AND ALL THE OLD GIRLS, WOULD SHAKE WITH FRIGHT, WHEN HE GOT HIS DOBBER OUT.



WHEN DAVE PROPOSED TO LINDSAY, MUCH TO HER SUPPRISE,
HE SAID ‘HEY LET’S GET MARRIED ON THE BRIDGE OF THE ENTERPRISE.
AND LINDSAY SAID ‘YER OFF YER HEAD, I DON’T WANT MY DAY MARED,
GETTING WED, IN A TREKIE DRESS, BY JOHNNY LUC PICHARD.


SO OFF THEY WENT TO VAGAS TO GET MARRIED IN THE SUN,
THEY HAD A LOVELY HONEY MOON, AND TO LINDSAY DAVID SUNG.
LOVE ME TENDER, LOVE ME TRUE, AND ALL MY DREAMS FULFILL,
AND LINDSAY SANG, STAND BY YOUR MAN, BUT LET HIM PAY THE BILLS.



WHEN ALL WAS DONE, BACK HOME THEY COME, TO SUNNY SHOEBURYNESS,
TO A SPECIAL WEDDING RECEPTION, CHEERED BY ALL THE GUESTS.
AND THEY ALL HAD A LOVELY TIME, AND SOME OF THE SIGHTS WERE RARE,
LIKE LINDSAY SLIDDING DOWN THE WALL, AND DAVE FALLIN OVER THE CHAIR.


NEXT TIME THAT YOU’RE DOWN CLAYHALL WAY LOOK OUT FOR THE HAPPY PAIR,
LINDSAY’S THE ONE, WITH THE NICE LITTLE BUM, AND DAVE AINT GOT NO HAIR………

Dear Cara now you’re twenty one
It’s time to scream and shout.
“I’m gonna have some fun today,
and let it all hang out.

So why not go with Ellie,
on a plane to the Bahamas.
And pose upon a golden beach,
in a pair of Pink Pyjama’s.

And when the guys all flock around ,
admiring your curves.
Just smile and say, in the sweetest way,
“ Buzz off you load of purves !!!

And then fly off to Egypt,
in a Glider steered by Rick.
And when he says –“Another LOOP?”
you’ll say – “NO! I’ll be sick”

And when you’re at the pyramids,
if you spy a guy quite yummy.
Make sure he’s free, to have a spree,
and he’s not with his Mummy .

And then fly back to England,
to finish the day with a mount.
On a horse in the Epsom Derby,
called “In the Pink” no doubt ?

We know you’ll be the winner,
and we’ll give you the loudest cheer.
To Cara our very special friend,
in her twenty-first birthday year.

Dear Ken we’re gathered hear to say,
we wish you all the best.
as you start your retirement,
and have a nice long rest.

We’re sure you’re making lots of plans,
of how to spend your days.
a few suggestions here we make,
to help you on your way.

You could hike around the world,
or do a bit of fishing,
or open a café in Liverpool,
called ‘Ken & Barbie’s Kitchen.

Or a space flight with the Grand children,
to the romance of the Moon.
and while they feast upon the cheese,
you and Barb can sit and spoon.

Or what about a double act,
called ‘Ken and Barbie Girl’.
where Barb would strut around the stage,
and make your moustache curl.

Whatever you decide to do,
we know you’ll have a ball.
and memories of the City Branch,
we hope you will recall.

For as you journey on your way,
by car or bike or scooter.
no more you’ll here those words of dread…
“ Can you look at my computer” .

And so dear Ken though this goodbye,
has been a wee bit witty.
on a serious note, a fond farewell,
from everyone in the City.

DEAR SANDRA WE ARE GATHERED HERE
ON YOUR RETIREMENT DAY,
TO WISH YOU ALL THE VERY BEST
AND SEE YOU ON YOUR WAY.


YOU CAN STAY IN BED AS LATE AS YOU LIKE,
THAT’S A RETIREMENT PERK,
AND ‘BIG TEL’ CAN BRING YOU A NICE CUPPA TEA,
BEFORE HE GOES OFF TO WORK.


YES WE KNOW THAT YOU WILL MAKE THE MOST ,
OF EVERY SINGLE HOUR,
LIKE BATHING YOURSELF IN BACARDI,
IN YOUR SHINEY BRAND NEW SHOWER.

WE KNOW YOU’LL WANT TO GO ON A CRUISE,
AND THAT YOU LOVE EATING OUT,
SO GET ‘BIG TEL’ TO ‘RING YOUR BELL’
BY GETTING HIS WALLET OUT.


AND WITH JULIA, LOTS OF SHOPPING,
AND YOU WONT HAVE TO HURRY,
YOU CAN STOP AT HALF TIME, FOR A GLASS OF RED WINE,
AND REALLY HOT INDIAN CURRY.


YOU COULD START A LADIES FOOTBALL TEAM – ‘
THE MILLWALL UNITED GIRLS’,
YOU MIGHT DO QUITE WELL, IF YOU DRESS ‘LITTLE TEL’
IN A WIG THAT SHOWS OFF HIS CURLS


OR WHAT ABOUT WRITING A BOOK -
A SPECIAL BIOGRAPHY
CALLED ‘ MEMOURIES OF AN ADMIN’ GIRL :
’ HOW I SURVIVED ADT’



BUT WE WONT MAKE THIS TOO EMOTIONAL,
AS WE DON’T WANT TO BRING ON THE TEARS,
SO WITH A HUG AND SOME KISSES, AND A BUNDLE OF WISHES,
FOR MANY HAPPY FORTHCOMING YEARS.

Dear Marcia, we’ll miss you so,
When off to have your babe you go.
But through the pain, we’ll be thinking of you,
little Paris and Raymond too.


And when you reach that happy day,
When contractions become a bore ,
Remember that you must stay calm,
To help Raymond up from the floor.


And when the pain gets really bad,
You must not stop and linger,
Hang on to your belly, forget the telly,
And getting the ring off your finger.


And then comes the time for the grunts and the groans,
With Raymond turning quite white.
And then all the cheers, as baby appears,
And says “Hey Dad.. you all right” ?


And then it’s back home, and the calls on the phone,
And you say “come round when you can”.
And they will all say “don’t it look like Ray” ?
Proving they aint seen the Milkman.


And a final word, from all of us here,
When it’s over, no smoking no Crack.
There’s no changing your mind, if it’s hard you find,
There aint no giving it back.

DEAR AMANDA WER’E SORRY TO SEE YOU GO,
AND WER’E ALL HEAR TO SAY.
WE WISH YOU ALL THE VERY BEST,
AS YOU GO ON YOUR WAY.

SEVEN YEARS YOU’VE BEEN WITH US,
AND YOUR CONTRIBUTION IS CLEAR TO SEE.
YOU HAVE MADE YOUR MARK IN CREDID CONTROL,
BUT DIGRESSED AT MAKING THE TEA.


SO - AMANDA ALTHOUGH YOU ARE MOVING ON,
WE WILL TRESURE THE MEMORIES OF YOU.
LIKE YOUR UNDYING LOVE OF NOVELTY PIGS,
AND YOUR DANCING WHEN YOU’D HAD A FEW.


REMEMBER ALL THOSE FUN NIGHTS OUT,
WHEN ON THE DANCH FLOOR YOU DID YOURSELF HONOUR.
BY DANCING ALL NIGHT, WITH YOUR BAILEYS HELD TIGHT
AND STRUTTING YOUR STUFF LIKE MADONNA.

AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR UNDYING THIRST,
FOR ENDLESS HOURS SPENT SHOPPING.
AND FOR CHOCOLATE BARS, YOU JUST CAN’T RESIST,
AND SET YOUR TASTEBUDS POPPING.

OH YES WE’LL REMEMBER ALL OF THESE THINGS,
IN OUR MEMORIES YOU’LL ALWAYS BE.
OUR SUPER CREDIT CONTROL SUPERVISOR
(NOT SO SUPER AT MAKING THE TEA)


“GOOD LUCK”

Dear Iris now that you’re 70,
we are gathered here to say.
We wish you all the very best,
on this your special day.

But first we ask you to reflect,
while wearing your birthday hat.
Of times gone by, when you were young,
and you thought the world was flat.

Of the day when Hannibal let you ride,
on his Elephant in the park.
And you went on that wonderful world-wide cruise,
with Noah in his Ark.

Of the time Cleopatra took you home,
to meet her ageing mummy.
Or when Pablo Picasso took a fancy to you,
and painted nude men on your tummy.

But joking apart, right from our heart,
we think your a wonderful dame.
And we have found some news, that we think you can use,
on choosing the right Zimmer Frame.

There's big ones and small ones, gold plated or chrome,
or coloured red, white and blue.
And ones equipped with a fast forward drive,
when you need to get to the loo.

And finally we would like to say,
please don't take offence at our jest.
Cause we all love you dearly, and to us you are clearly,
A Lady who's 'Simply the Best'.